The Phil Files

[Jesus said] “This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.

For or yours is the kingdom and the power
and the glory forever. Amen.’”

Yesterday, as we gathered together in a couple of worship assemblies, we celebrated the work God is doing in us and through us (Acts 14:26-28). It was fast paced, filled with praise, and with a lot of joy at what God was doing — reports, videos, slide show, time in the Word, and a Skype conference from an open Tabernacle for the homeless. As we finished, I was exhausted and also exhilarated.

But, toward the end of our Lord’s Supper time, I went to be with friends who carry a deep wound of grief. Even as I spoke, I could see pain etched on their faces as they had to wrestle with the subject at a whole different level than most of us as we wrote down things we were thankful about that God was doing in us. As I reached out to touch my friends, I noticed that Donna drew close to another precious person in the family. Little did I know how deep the grief that surged in all their hearts.

After lunch, Donna and I talked through the morning and she shared the awful, painful, heartbreaking news that she was visiting with this dear sister about. By the time we got to bedtime, I still couldn’t talk about the deep grief of these precious people — different sides of the same family suffering with unspeakable sorrow.

I confess that I don’t understand the “why” of such pain that rips apart the hearts of such good people. It’s not fair and it sure doesn’t seem right. I know that I am not supposed to question the love, faithfulness, and ways of God. But at the same time, I don’t understand why some walk away with a miracle and some go to bed with the deep loss grief inflicts and also have to wrestle with the questions of prayers that feel unanswered and ignored.

I am thankful for the Psalms that give me a voice to share such feelings of confusion, anger, and loss with God. I am also thankful for life-stories like Ruth and Naomi, that remind me that behind the deepest of losses — home, country, husband, and two sons — comes the unexpected gifts of hope, life, future, and ultimately the Messiah. God, in His faithfulness, used a foreign woman full of loyalty, grace, and beauty to bring deliverance, both for Naomi and for us.

But still, why do my friends who I love — people dedicated to the Lord and His Kingdom and His righteousness — have to carry such pain? All I can see today in the Lord’s prayer is that one phrase, “deliver us from the evil one.” DELIVER US! Yes, that’s all I can think about for my friends tonight.

I believe He will deliver us, but I am not always sure what that means in this present moment. One of my old, long-time favorite faith-anthems is Rich Mullins’ “My Deliverer is Coming.” I’ve embedded it below for you to hear. If you know the story of Rich’s untimely death, I believe it means even more, and it also challenges us to wrestle with the deep well of grief that often goes with walking the way of mortal flesh.

As you listen, please cry with me: O God, please deliver us!

In my Heartlight.org post today, Comfort in the Season of Mourning, I shared thoughts on 2 Corinthians 1:3-4:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). 

How have you experienced this principle, “we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” in your life?

Were you on the receiving or sharing end of this comfort giving?

How did this bless your life?

Why do we feel that we must defend God when people who have suffered great loss?
In the book of Job, when Job’s life crashes in, sever “comforters” join him in the dust and sit in silence to share his grief. Then, after 7 days of mourning with him in silence, they open their mouths and their comfort turns into an unintended attack on Job because they feel like they have to explain why all this happened to Job.

Why do you think so many people say simplistic and unintended hurtful things to those in grief?

Why do we feel that we must defend God when people who have suffered great loss?

How is sitting and sharing people’s grief in silence better than opening our mouths?

What should we say to comfort people in their grief?

Why do we wait to DO something to help those in grief when we could go buy them groceries, wash their car, mow their lawn, baby sit their children?

If you have suffered deep loss, how did God comfort you and how did He use other people to bless you?

Two months ago, November 10, was one of the hardest nights in my ministry. Two people precious to me, while in transit to be with their son taken by ambulance to the hospital, learned that their son had passed away. This also meant that two young men and a precious young woman lost their their brother. One young man lost a dear friend who was as close as a brother.

Several of us agonized for them as they learned of this young man’s passing while they were 350 miles away from us — out of reach of our arms but not out of reach of hearts. Yesterday was this son’s birthday, and today, well today is the two month mark to the beginning of our grief. This is fresh grief and hard grief that settled in on all of us through the holidays and now his birthday. This has been two months of deep grief … for them, for those of us who love them deeply, and for many others in similar circumstances.

So today, I want to encourage each of us to do two things:

1. Grab life and live it with holy glee — savor each moment and wring each taste of God’s goodness out of each day. Don’t get muddled up in silly nothings and fritter away the precious gift of each other and today. There is, as the Wiseman said in Ecclesiastes 3, “a time to mourn and a time to dance.” And if it is time to dance, then dance with delight … even dance in those fleeting moments of delight that God gives you while in the middle of grief.
2. Remember those who mourn. God will bring them back to a time to dance again. But right now, they need to know we value their loved one who is no longer physically present. They need to hear the name of that person and know that person was valued and cherished by us. And they do NOT need simplistic, no matter how well-intentioned, explanations that are hollow are hurtful. They need for us to remember their hurt will last for as long as they live, but will be especially heavy grief for a your or more. They need us to walk with them, love them, and remember. And they need to know it is okay to have fun when the moment is right and they need us to be ready to laugh with them as much as we are willing to cry with them.

So today, just as yesterday, Ben and his family have been on my heart and in my thoughts. And my prayer, is simple, “Please God, make this blessing true for my friends until full reunion is here for all of us:”

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13 tniv)