Please, God!
Two months ago, November 10, was one of the hardest nights in my ministry. Two people precious to me, while in transit to be with their son taken by ambulance to the hospital, learned that their son had passed away. This also meant that two young men and a precious young woman lost their their brother. One young man lost a dear friend who was as close as a brother.
Several of us agonized for them as they learned of this young man’s passing while they were 350 miles away from us — out of reach of our arms but not out of reach of hearts. Yesterday was this son’s birthday, and today, well today is the two month mark to the beginning of our grief. This is fresh grief and hard grief that settled in on all of us through the holidays and now his birthday. This has been two months of deep grief … for them, for those of us who love them deeply, and for many others in similar circumstances.
So today, I want to encourage each of us to do two things:
- Grab life and live it with holy glee — savor each moment and wring each taste of God’s goodness out of each day. Don’t get muddled up in silly nothings and fritter away the precious gift of each other and today. There is, as the Wiseman said in Ecclesiastes 3, “a time to mourn and a time to dance.” And if it is time to dance, then dance with delight … even dance in those fleeting moments of delight that God gives you while in the middle of grief.
- Remember those who mourn. God will bring them back to a time to dance again. But right now, they need to know we value their loved one who is no longer physically present. They need to hear the name of that person and know that person was valued and cherished by us. And they do NOT need simplistic, no matter how well-intentioned, explanations that are hollow are hurtful. They need for us to remember their hurt will last for as long as they live, but will be especially heavy grief for a your or more. They need us to walk with them, love them, and remember. And they need to know it is okay to have fun when the moment is right and they need us to be ready to laugh with them as much as we are willing to cry with them.
So today, just as yesterday, Ben and his family have been on my heart and in my thoughts. And my prayer, is simple, “Please God, make this blessing true for my friends until full reunion is here for all of us:”
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13 tniv)
This is so true! I lost my husband of 31 years almost two years ago. He was only 54 years old. Many people who have never been through grief think that you should forget about that person. This is so untrue. I don’t think that you can ever stop missing people that you love. Gene was an elder in the church, a great husband and father. I know that I will see him someday.
Jeanie Beck
10 Jan 09 at 4:29 pm
Phil, Thank you for this reminder, which to those of us who are close to this family because they are our Family, they are on our minds and in our hearts constantly.
For many of us, this is absolutely the worst time of year possible, partially due to such losses. And from people who have shared their hearts with me, a loss like this consumes most every thought, sometimes for many years.
I truly wish for more ability, more knowledge of how to comfort people in these and other circumstances. Certainly, they are in our prayers, daily, and God does hear our prayers and grieves with us in our pain. That, without question is our greatest comfort. But if there are some good educational resources on this, I would really like to know of them.
Thanks again, for reminding us to comfort others, even when it’s without words, to comfort them.
a friend
10 Jan 09 at 10:51 pm
The first year is incredibly hard. I remember so well someone telling me it was “time to get over my mother’s death.” While they meant well, their words were far from comforting. You don’t “get over” the loss of a loved one, but with God’s help you do learn to live without them. It took years but I finally got to the point where I could give thanks for the time we did have together instead of always focusing on the fact that I know longer had her in my life. I will pray for your friends that God will grant them comfort.
Teresa
11 Jan 09 at 9:27 pm
made me cry. and reminded me to let someone who lost her precious mate last year that she is cared for.
Sherry
13 Jan 09 at 12:00 pm