The Phil Files

I was driving through the Hill Country of Texas when the phone rang. I had just passed through a small town and I knew the sparse cell towers wouldn’t allow the signal to last much longer. Donna and I were on a rest-and-read retreat after an extremely busy summer of ministry, so I wasn’t supposed to be answering this phone. But I checked the number and answered this time, not sure who was on the other end. But the number had that strange feel of familiarity that said I needed to answer it.

“Hi Phil, this is Matt. I had a commute into town today and just felt the Lord wanted me to call you. We hadn’t talked in awhile, so I called …”

I pulled to the side of the road under a shady tree. Donna read a book. Matt and I visited while I burned gas keeping the car cool in the wilting 105 degree heat. Neither Matt nor I was sure why the call was so important, but we both felt it was one of those “God-things” and we have both learned to follow our instincts on this.

As we visited, we talked about one of Matt’s daughters, a precious and godly young woman whom I had the privilege of baptizing this last spring. She was only in town for a couple of months, but we talked about how important those months had been.

“I’m glad she was here and I believe it was a pivot point in her life,” I shared with Matt.

I’m not sure I have ever used that phrased before. I’m not even sure I have ever heard it used that way. But we talked about the term pivot point and what a powerful term it was used in this way and how it accurately described what had happened in his daughter’s life. She was never in trouble, never bad, never had some deep issue, but these few months of time allowed her to catch her breath, re-commit to her values, determine the next stage of her life’s journey, and move on to the place where God was calling her. It was a pivot point for her!

After an emotional breakfast this morning with Donna (my wife to all those who are not familiar with life in the Warehouse) I find this term especially applicable to our last few months.

We talked deeply, a long time, about the experiences of this past summer. How God has permanently welded several people into our hearts — a young lady from China, a young man from Thailand, two young girls from Peru, two young foster grandchildren in Kentucky, and young lady from Madagascar in our own town. We talked how our economy of scale has changed. (We now evaluate how we spend our money and how much money we spend based on what we could do with and for these precious ones.) We talked about our future and what God was calling us to do to make a difference in each of their lives and how there are very few limits that we even know how to consider — we know there are limits, and we have them, but they are hard to discern at times.

We love our own kids more than ever, and are so very proud of them and the values they live and the things they are accomplishing. We miss them, yet believe in them. They have our hearts. But they are also on their way down the road God has called them. We will share that road, but what that means is still in flux. We can’t wait to see where they go and what God does, but it is different now. Love has another chapter to write on our hearts in their lives and we can’t wait to see what it is. We talked about this as well.

So we find ourselves at a pivot point. More than looking at trying to recoup our losses in retirement funds so we can be comfortable, we are busy trying to figure out how we can do what we can to help these who are precious to us. How are we going to use our time next year? Where will we go? What can we do to give each of them, or any of them, a better change to really know Jesus and his grace and find life — real, exciting, meaningful life — for their future.

Years in full time ministry take their toll. That’s why many don’t make it to my age doing what I do. We live in a time and place where we are spoiled and like things our own way and church often feels more like a consumer complaint department than it does a sacrifice center for folks headed off on Kingdom missions —  yes, I include myself in that number of the spoiled and selfish consumer, too! But we still drawn to these people we love and the friends that hold us in their hearts. We are so stinking blessed and often fail to realize it.

For us, the pivot point is not as dramatic (at least not yet) as it was for Abraham, but I believe the principle is the same. God is calling us to set out on a future that is not yet known, promising to bless us so that we can be a blessing (Genesis 12:1-3). I don’t believe this is a new call. I believe this is what the Lord called us to many times over the last 30 plus years. But this time, at least, we realize it is a real pivot point in our lives.

I guess I’m done with all the angst of purpose-driven living. I now simply want to be led by the Spirit and be used as God’s blessing in the lives that are precious to me and are even more precious to my Father. I believe that the Father has given me a vision of what some of that can, and maybe should, look like.

But like Abraham, it’s still unknown country and I’m not sure how much of it I will actually see. But I pray that some of these precious ones will get to see more it than I do and that Donna and I will get to help them on their way as they find God’s road for their future. I hope that we can help them find their pivot point in some way, so that they can be all that God has created them to be … and most of all, that we can see all of them in our forever family.

So now I use this pivot point, and set off to an unknown future, and can’t wait to see where God’s road leads. How about you?

I sat on the back porch this morning, using Skype to call China while thinking about our experiences in Peru and praying about our foster grandchildren. In the background, I could hear the thunder of an approaching thunderstorm. The outflow of the storm had made the morning cool and the back porch very enjoyable. I thought of how this summer has changed my world, Donna’s world, and how our priorities for everything, and how we are trying to figure out how to re-orient the rest of our lives to a new and profound way of viewing God’s world.

The thunder is not so distant. Neither are China and Thailand. Neither are the precious children of Communidad de Niños Segrada Familia, and neither are our memories of two precious little boys in Kentucky or the precious young woman from Madagascar we meet with regularly — a new follower of Jesus.

Thunder. Thunder is loud. Thunder reverberates through our world. Thunder shakes our foundations and captures our attention. Thunder speaks of a great power that has been unleashed. And yes, our thunder is not so distant.

Today, this thunder is a deep reminder of two events on our trip to Peru that I cannot shake — that haunt me and beckon me back.

The first is of precious Araceli, sitting in my lap, clapping, laughing, and enjoying the good bye party one minute, then sound asleep with a sweet smile the next. Then, as the party was wrapping up, the crying and sobbing when she realized that we were leaving — not for the night, but for good. Having to pry myself from her to leave was excruciating — and to be honest, part of me is still there and always will be. Yes, the thunder is not so distant and it still reverberates in places I can’t see, but I can feel soul deep inside me.

The second rumble of thunder is the memory of the older children gathering to say good bye to us as we pulled out for that last time. I could only take a brief glimpse … it was too hard to leave. And this was my third good bye of the summer … each good bye contained no assurance I would see these children, the children that I wanted to be in my family and sleep in my house and sit at my table — some children are grown and young adults and some just babies. Yes, the thunder is not too distant and it vibrates in my soul.

Abilene is green this summer. The rain, and it’s accompaniment of thunder and lightning, have been frequent. Stuff grows in places it would normally never be in the season of wilting heat and parching dryness. New things grow in my heart, some in places where things haven’t grown in a long time. And despite the tears and deep emotion, I am thankful that the thunder is not so distant and I pray it comes my way again.

Okay, so last Thursday I promised I would start blogging about Communidad de Niños Segrada Familia. (Note, the website is dated and there are now 800 children now there!) So far, I have not blogged. There is a good reason. In fact, there are several.

1. We were exhausted. Donna and I spent last week there with a group of 75 others who did a Vacation Bible School and spent time with the children of Sagrada Familia. There was simply no time or energy to appropriately say what is in our hearts.
2. We want to offer you the opportunity to do more than just learn about this incredible opportunity with great needs, but doing such a powerful ministry with the most forgotten of Jesus’ “little ones”! To do that appropriately, we need to get some things in place.
3. We want to provide you with pictures and video to get more an experience of the event. With the help a friend, we will have both and hopefully will be able to launch an English website that shows you how to help and become involved.

Bottom line, Donna and I will never be the same.

There are hundreds of children in our hearts, but several will be carried in our souls and dreams and prayers and waking thoughts, for as long as we live.

So while the blog promise is delayed, be assured, it is coming. We don’t want you to miss it. In fact, we want you to get caught up in something that is smack dab in the middle of the heart of Jesus.

I will let all of our Heartlight.org community know about the blog pieces on Sagrada Familia as we get closer to the time we go live, but just believe me when I say, “You don’t want to miss it!”

Until we go live, please pray for these precious children in Peru and pray for the work being done to make sure they are housed, fed, educated, and loved! These children have always been precious to Jesus … and now that we have held them and taught them them and played with them, they are more than precious to us!

When your daily life impacts others, there is always a bit of fear that your mistakes, stumbles, sins, shortcomings, misjudgments, and failures will lead others down the wrong path or cause them to be discouraged or give them an excuse to give up. Jesus warned us about this — so did Paul, John, and James. We have seen this happen.

Right now I am keenly aware of several people I am trying to influence toward Jesus. I don’t want anything I do or say to be used by the evil one to keep them from Jesus. Am I worried about anything in particular? No! Is there some secret sin? No! But I am aware of Satan’s devious and conniving ways and I don’t want any of these precious ones to stumble because of me.

I will seek to be more vigilant in my efforts to honor the Lord and live a life of character and compassion, but I seek more than my intentions and strength in this battle for the souls of those precious to me! I want the Holy Spirit’s help and protection.

From my daily Bible reading yesterday comes this prayer that speaks to this concern, my concern, as I try to lead my family, my church, several new Christians, and several I want to come to Jesus:

O God, you know how foolish I am; my sins cannot be hidden from you. Don’t let those who trust in you stumble because of me, O Sovereign LORD Almighty. Don’t let me cause them to be humiliated, O God of Israel (Psalm 69:6-7 NLT).

None of us is perfect, but everyone we lead and seek to influence is precious. We trust God to bridge the gap with grace and mercy and power.

I am not a patient guy. When things don’t happen quickly enough I start pushing, poking and prodding instead of waiting for the LORD’s timing. I know this is a weakness. I am impatient about learning to be faithful to God and to the dreams I believe that he has placed in my heart. So as I read this, it smacked right up alongside my face!

It is better to be patient than powerful; it is better to have self-control than to conquer a city (Proverbs 16:32 NLT).

I am hoping now that my heart can believe what my head knows is truly valuable.

During my prayer time for folks on the prayer list this morning, I came across this passage in my daily Bible reading:

Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign LORD comes escape from death (Psalm 68:20).

For those of us who are believers, there is nothing more true than this. I am reminded of Paul’s powerful words to the Corinthians in two different letters:

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” … But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. (1 Corinthians 15:54-58)

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

Blessings to you this day as God uses you to be a source of light and life to those around you.